He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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