College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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