just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
