she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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