i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
