Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
