She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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