did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
