Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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