she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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