dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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