don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
