He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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