The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Boobs speak an international language.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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