Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
