i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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