Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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