Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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