$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
