i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
FUCK WHALES
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