He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
