we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She just used a chaser for red wine.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize