It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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