It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize