what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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