I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
