i may or may not be watching the land before time
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
