Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
