...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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