i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
