who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
