Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
