With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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