it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
