my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
