all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
