hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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