hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
