Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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