Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
