It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
