I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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