you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
