Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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