at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
