Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
