Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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