I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
