I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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