I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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