His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
