i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
