she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
