Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Text me some of your sweat
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
