If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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