They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
