Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
