I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize