You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
