new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
