Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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