I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
