Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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