I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
where am i from again
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
