thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
