You just made me feel so damn special
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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