he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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