im drinking this country out of the recession.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
