i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
