I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
